how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Vodka?
Forever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
