I can tuck mytits in my pants
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
