who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
