I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
