Sry I called you an 8
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
