i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
