I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
