Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
