How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
