I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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