So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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