just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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