The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
