So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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