I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
