you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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