dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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