wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
