She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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