I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
