Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
