I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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