I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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