Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
