our cab driver is having phone sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize