Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize