I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .