as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?