Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine