Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
