the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?