He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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