Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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