Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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