is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
40s are totally the cure
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
