Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
