the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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