Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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