oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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