So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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