Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
