I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
