omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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