I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
