I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
