She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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