Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
