i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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