I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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