I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
