I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
