I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
