My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to fling myself into the sun
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
