You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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