She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
