Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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