I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
