So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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