You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
