he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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