Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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