Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
