He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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