lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
