Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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