Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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