After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
