If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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