Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Michael Bay diarrhea
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You did what with his pubic hair?
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