I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
