I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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