how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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