I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize