i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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