I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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