so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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