Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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