I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
