he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
